*and yes, they're all guys -- chicks, it seems, are too preoccupied with knitting1, baking2, and being fabulous mommies3 to pay any attention to the B-moviesphere.
1 K is guilty
2 K is also guilty
3 no
Space Odyssey (Sette uomini d'oro nello spazio) (1979)
(aka Captive Planet, aka Star Odyssey, aka Metallica [?!] )
Grade: C-
Holy spaghetti space western! Taking its cues from a certain blockbuster of the time, this oddly-translated title throws together a motley crew of would-be heroes to help save humans from enslavement by an evil alien henchman who looks for all the world like a cross between the Hellraiser guy, Alan Rickman, and a crocodile handbag. The two tin can C3PO wannabes spend most of film arguing (in the most sickly sweet way possible) about their aborted suicide pact, or else channelling the Star Trek model of compassion and tolerance toward "lower" life forms (in this case, a suspiciously trashcan-shaped droid). There's the space outlaws working for the side of good, of course, and a futuristic dead ringer of our favorite Commando Mengele** gypsy acrobat.
Add in some ridiculous stock footage of explosions and African exploitation (in glorious grainy black-and-white, of course), and heck, you've got half the films we've reviewed so far. In many ways, it was reminiscent of an even better Star Wars rip-off, P.'s beloved Battle Beyond the Stars. However, the film's one standout feature (for us, at least) is the most ridiculous, head-scratching, time-to-lay-off-the-Sambuca editing mistake we've seen to date. (Curiously, it doesn't seem to be mentioned by many other reviewers, or is misidentified as a plot hole. Perhaps a corrected version exists, and we just happened to get lucky.) A seriously flawed, but strangely compelling effort.
P.S. -- To all those crafty people who are suddenly into everything mustache -- especially these folks -- I say please, please just stop. It's creepy. But, if you choose not to yield to good taste, be sure take some cues from this film's who has the gayest mustache? contest, where everyone is a winner!
**aka Angel of Death. P. mentioned this one in the previous post as well, but it seems we never actually reviewed it. Humph. If you have to choose one acrobat-related Nazi hunter film, make it this one.
Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)
Objective Grade: C+
K's Hedging Grade: B/B-
What a fun surprise! Essentially a medieval adventure tale shakily framed by the whole parallel universe device, this has The Princess Bride written all over it (William Goldman, perhaps you deserve royalties; Rob Reiner, perhaps you owe some). The princess in this case is the obligatorily spunky female reporter played by Kay Lenz, who seems to get drooled over by all the other reviewers (for explanation, see footnote to the introduction, above), but who we simply file away with the other interesting faces we've encountered. Rounding out the crew are the midget, the giant, the noble green dude from the forest, and of course our hapless hero, made not so hapless by dint of his being a Kendo champion (aren't they always).
Speaking of stock characters, reprising his role as "evil guy" for the nth time is our Battle Beyond the Stars favorite, John Saxon. As warlord Kleel he takes a shine to our poor man's Kim Basinger, and if the word inconceivable means anything to you, you can pretty much guess how the rest of the film goes.
Just to make sure we know we're in some parallel dimension (instead of, say, the South African*** hinterland), we're treated to a number of "exotic" foam rubber plants scattered through the landscape, à la Star Trek, though they only seemed to bother with the effect during the first few "new universe" scenes. Kudos to the sound guys too, for making sure the Wile E. Coyote falling-of-the-cliff descending whistle finds new life in inappropriate places.
Yes, I did say this was a fun surprise, and I mean it. Hey, the characters are pretty one-dimensional, and it all wraps up just a bit too neatly, but a film like this is a welcome reprieve from some of the dreck we've had to slog through on this set. A perfect home-sick-in-bed type of thing, if you know what I mean.
***where it was indeed filmed; ostensibly set in California, sharp-eyed viewers will see that something isn't quite right during Carrie and Dan's first, ahem, run-in. Oh, and turns out one of the bit players in this was also in our other favorite South African film, House of the Living Dead.
