Guilty as charged here at the Umbrellahead Review. So, to get the creative juices flowing again, we've dabbled in a different medium -- artwork! Beautiful, original artwork.* With these two down, there are only a few more to go before we'll be all caught up and on to new and exciting selections from the box!
First up, a fighter on a quest to kill; second, a whole mess of R.O.U.S.'s.
*We promise to go back to screenshots soon.
Killers of the Sea (1937)
Objective Grade: D-
If We Pretend It's Part of the Christopher Guest Oeuvre: D+
Oh boy. Where on earth did this one come from? We still haven't figured out if this was meant as fact or fiction, though for the sea creatures we suspect that it was all too real.
We started out with this:
Plus that adorable shark -- all he wanted was a hug!
And eventually it turned into this:
Captain Caswell -- the original nautical exhibitionist.
Intrigued? Well, we suppose there are worse ways to spend 49 minutes. Just be warned that animals (and the dignity of a few very special crew members) certainly were harmed during the making of this film.
The Killer Shrews (1959)
Objective Grade: C-
Costumed Canine Bonus: B
This one shared a double bill with our old favorite, The Giant Gila Monster, and was similarly given the MST3K treatment. Rather than rehash what's already been said elsewhere -- many times over -- we'll just touch on some of the key points. In fact, what you really need to know about this movie can be boiled down to just three things:
1. Booze.
If a character isn't holding a drink, you can bet they've either thrown it, dropped it, or are deep in conversation while the de facto bartender makes them another.
2. Plodding Exposition.
Made especially delightful by hard-to-understand, "what country are you supposed to be from again?" accents.
We'd estimate that about 2/3 of Shrews concerns dialogue and drinking.
3. Dogs in Rugs.
Or, if we're talking close-ups, hand-puppets.
Creative re-imagining: this is what the filmmakers wished their monster could look like.
We love all things ugly-cute, and in that sense these creatures don't disappoint. But scary? The gila monster might have the edge on this one. If you're looking for a few truly frightening creatures, some of the cast from Return of the Killer Shrews (2012) might just fit the bill.
