Save us, Mister Bigpackage!

These two movies want you to know: in times of trouble or dismay, you can always count on Mister Bigpackage to save your skins.

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Fire Monster Vs. The Son Of Hercules

Objective Grade: C-
Camp Value Bonus: B+

Utterly charming sword-and-sandal epic in which our hero Maxus (aka Maciste) brings peace, and/or fire, and/or interbreeding, to tribes of warring cavemen. Careers wildly from solid competence to complete absurdity, with hilarious results.

For instance: in one early scene, our hero faces down a terrific-looking giant animatronic reptile, spearing this titular fire-breather neatly through the eye. Quality work, to be sure. However, in another, later scene, he and his female companion run terrified from another "giant" reptile that abruptly appears -- but this one is obviously a blown-up, poorly-cut shot of a komodo dragon or something.

Other examples abound, the best of which is the sudden, unexpected shot of bright red (and thoroughly modern) underwear, peeking out from beneath a fallen caveman's furs in the midst of a fight scene. In between all this, we get pointless dance numbers, epic battles, bad dubbing, and beautiful scenery. Great fun.

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Evil Brain From Outer Space

Grade: F

Disastrous fourth and final entry in the Starman series. Unlike the earlier installments, this one is edited together from three separate short films, and it shows. Completely incoherent, with seemingly interchangeable characters (especially the children), and surprisingly joyless -- you can tell that Ken Utsui wanted out of this role. (And that costume, for that matter: he spends a good deal of his screen time in suit and tie, even for the fight scenes.) A couple of the villains look pretty cool, at least in a Law and Order: Gay Acrobats sort of fashion, but that's about it.

Adding insult to injury, the soundtrack on this version was transferred at much too high a level, and is horribly distorted. Of all the movies we've watched so far, this was one of the hardest to get through. Avoid.