Doomsday Machine
Grade: F
From what we've read, it seems this one was originally shot in 1967, shelved for a few years, then re-edited with new footage and released in 1972. Boys, you should have left it on the shelf.
It starts off promisingly enough: a spy's discovery of a dastardly device in China necessitates the quick launch of a Venus-bound rocket, with two hot chicks and one OK-looking babushka-in-training switched in for three of the original crew. The astronauts strap into their La-Z-Boy shuttle recliners, sit back, and suddenly we're up to our eyeballs in bad dialogue, shoddy set design, and just a whole lot of boring. A few funny continuity issues (e.g. two completely different models--one round like a space station, the other pointy like a rocket--are used to represent the exterior of the same ship) were all that kept us from completely nodding off. And that ending--if you could call it an ending. Yeah, that shelf sounds better and better all the time.
End of the World
Grade: F
Scientist gets strange space messages predicting various natural disasters, so off he goes with his hot wife to get to the bottom of things. Features include long, pointless aerial shots of houses with swimming pools; long, pointless, nearly-pitch-black shots of wife blundering around in the dark (and screaming her pretty little head off for no apparent reason); and finally--Rocky Horror fans take note--some aliens in human costume get sent through outer space in their "time warp" machine, complete with fake lightning bolts and groovy zappy sound effects. That's probably the best part, but it's just too little, too late. Is there room on that shelf for this one too?
Conclusion: for diehard Christopher Lee fans only. Or, maybe if you're into evil nuns -- if so, see P's previous post for another one of those.
Come to think of it, these films had a lot more in common than just prop detonation. File under:
- Attractive blonds (End: scientist's wife; Doomsday: scientist Katie)
- Sexual rebuff (End: scientist's wife, again; Doomsday: attempted space rape ending in violent decompression)
- Spying on the communists (End: super-secret Russia-monitoring substation; Doomsday: China's got the bomb!)
- Famous guys just in it for the paycheck (End: Christopher Lee, of course; Doomsday: Casey Kasem as the voice of Mission Control!)
- Advanced alien species beaming our heroes to the far reaches of the universe (for their own good, of course) (End: voluntary; Doomsday: involuntary)
- Natural disaster stock footage overload (Both: well, something has to precede the end of the world as we know it--nothing to do with padding the films' respective lengths, of course)
No comments:
Post a Comment