Getting out of the Woods

The first step to getting caught up with our enormous backlog is to get through the Woods. The Ed Woods, that is.

And fortunately -- as the old riddle says -- once you've walked halfway in, you're already getting out. Ergo:

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Trick Shooting with Kenne Duncan (1953)



Grade: N/A

This is...pretty much what it says on the package, i.e. 9 minutes of trick shots by the perennially tired-looking Duncan, aka Dr. Acula from Night of the Ghouls, who clearly knew his way around a rifle.

There's nothing particularly Woody about the production, though the incongruous background music -- and an odd Japanese interlude -- add a hint of that freezer-burned flavor we associate with Ed's work. But maybe that's just the 1950s, which were weird enough on their own.



Otherwise, what's to say? It's, uh, trick shooting. With Kenne Duncan.

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The Sun Was Setting (1951)



Grade: D-

Pointless tearjerker about a terminally ill woman who wants to go clubbing and, after 13+ minutes of conversational platitudes, almost does.

Other than serving as an interesting footnote to Wood's biography, the existence of this unreleased short contributes nothing to the world.

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The Violent Years (1956)



Grade: C-

Now this is more like it. Scripted by Wood and directed by other, more capable hands, this trashy exploitation romp could be summed up as "poor little rich girl turns bad, thanks to parental neglect".



Or as the protagonist's mother says, the blame is all theirs for giving her "a new dress, instead of a caress". Ah, millinery, that well-known path to juvenile delinquency.



And as you might expect from Akdov Telmig, it's got long stretches devoted to hand-wringing, soul-searching, stern lectures, and other forms of "socially conscious" moralizing.



All this, no doubt, to justify all the sex and violence on display -- right? Well, neither nudity or blood is on the menu, nor anything else particularly graphic...



...but then again, can you name another movie with a 4-on-1 gang rape scene where all the perps are women? (No, that one episode of Law & Order doesn't count.) Well, OK, they don't actually show it, but there's zero doubt as to what that cutaway is, er, cutting away from.



One peak of absurdity comes thanks to the delinquent girls' liaison to the underworld -- the type of woman who wears high heels and tight belts while lounging around on the couch, and who serves as one part fence, one part criminal mastermind, one part Madame Blavatsky, one part cream of tartar.



She assigns them the task of trashing the local high school. Why, you might wonder -- what profit is to be had? Maybe an insurance payout?

No, instead we learn that "a certain organization" is behind the operation and, if "a few flags get destroyed in the process", they'd be more than pleased: "Let's just say it's part of a well-organized foreign plan."

Yes, friends, it's those damned Commies behind juvenile delinquency. Who knew?



Anyway, it's talky and not terribly titillating, and despite running under an hour it manages to include a montage of itself near the end of the film. But it's entertaining enough to watch once, and then watch again at double speed for the sake of getting a review done.