In which two films featuring abusive parental figures miss their true callings as small screen water cooler fodder.
[aka The Invisible Strangler]
Grade: C-
Pilot Potential: C+
At the hypothetical water cooler…
Hey, did you see The Astral Factor last night? No? Well, it stars Robert Foxworth -- you know the guy, he's Elizabeth Montgomery's boytoy -- as Lieutenant Charles Barrett, a straight-shooter type who ends up investigating all sorts of paranormal crimes around L.A.
Or, at least that's what the pilot's setting it up to be -- the first episode is all about chasing after this dude who uses astral projection or some other weird shit to invisibly sneak up on women and strangle them.
In fact, I think that was the name of the episode -- "The Invisible Strangler" -- which doesn't earn any points for creativity, but sometimes you just gotta be direct, generate some interest, y'know.
Anyway, the killer himself isn't all that interesting or memorable -- we get a thin backstory about a washed-up starlet of a mother who ignored him growing up, so he ends up killing her.
Sigh, it's always mommy issues. Then, after reading some questionable literature generally shelved as "New Age," he breaks out of jail to go after a bunch of other aging starlets who testified against him at trial.
Frankly, the writers didn't pay all that much attention to the murderer or the mechanics of his crimes, and left some pretty gaping plot holes -- I mean, why does he need scuba gear if he's astral projecting? Or if he's just making himself invisible, why do we see the wetsuit, but not his regular clothes during the other attacks?
But I digress -- the episode's real focus is on building the characters of the series. There's Barrett of course, and he's saddled with a greenhorn of a partner: the gum-chewing, pen-clicking Detective Holt (Mark Slade), who acts like a fidgety 13-year-old with a boot-fachay to match.
The writers are careful to keep Holt just this side of unlikeable, and Barrett's reactions to his junior colleague's blunders are mercifully understated. It's a real buddy cop setup, but not wildly overblown in the comic relief department, which is rather refreshing.
A not-so-understated character is Candy, the perky brunette Missus Barrett, played with ditzy enthusiasm by Stephanie Powers.
There must be plans for her character down the line, since so much time is spent developing her bubble-headed persona -- a terrible yet enthusiastic cook! spends money out the nose! has the energy and manner of a small puppy! is completely self-absorbed!
And yet, she does absolutely nothing to help the cops in their efforts. No insights or "a-ha" moments, just complaints about the odd hours Barrett keeps (gotta love those pouty police wives).
Maybe she's supposed to be the real comic relief in the series, or else she does end up becoming more involved in the criminal and/or supernatural elements. My money's on some plot with her getting mixed up in a weird cult or some other hippy-dippy stuff, with Barrett and Holt coming to the rescue.
Besides Stephanie Powers, some other folks seem likely to be series regulars. There's the gruff yet likable Captain Wells, who no doubt will make sure Barrett and Holt get the weirdest and wackiest cases funneled their way.
Then there's the head of the ESP Research Institute, Dr. Ulmer, who consults with Barrett about the invisibility thing, and who will likely be their go-to guy to learn about whatever odd phenomenon is affecting their latest case.
Maybe even Elke Sommer, who plays one of the women targeted by the strangler. She's clearly a cut above the other aging beauties, at least in the brains and personality department, and at one point it almost seems like there could be something going on between her and Barrett. It would be a shame if they let her character be a one-off, there's real potential there.
All in all, not a bad start to the series. A little shaky on plot, with a bit too much attention paid to the guest actresses (who just get offed anyway) and not enough to the supernatural stuff. The special effects could use a bit of help, too.
But, I think I'll still watch again next week -- I can't help but find myself wanting to know what happens with these characters.
At the real water cooler…
Yeah, watched another one from the box last night. They spent all this time on the bimbo wife who didn't do shit, threw in some mumbo jumbo ESP and a pointless boat chase, and called it a movie. What was the point? At least I got to see Stephanie Powers' ass. Anyway, are those client reports done yet?
Grade: D-
Afterschool Special Surplus: D
"Look Ma, No Bones!" Bonus: B-
At the hypothetical water cooler…
You wouldn't believe the colorful programming they're showing nowadays on the afterschool special. ABC? No, this was a local access channel, something out of Baltimore I think. Ostensibly it was about a big green alien, his strange weapon, and a bunch of rednecks -- oops, I suppose "country folk" would be the more appropriate term -- who were after them both.
But, I just felt it went so much deeper than that! I mean, there were so many valuable lessons for the children…
…for example, the importance of a good night's sleep!
Why sharing is caring!
How to work together for the common good!
Why snooping is a no-no!
The dangers of smoking!
The perils of drinking!
The threat of immoral pleasure-seekers!
Knot tying!
Fire safety!
Weapons handling!
Orienteering!
Proper grooming and dress!
And finally -- so, so important in society these days -- celebrating and supporting our diversity, and creating an inclusive, welcoming, and non-othering environment.
At the real water cooler…
What would you say if I took Twister's Revenge!, set it in a Maryland swamp, and replaced the sentient monster truck with a rubbery space tourist who apparently took a wrong turn at Alpha Centauri? Boy, then do I have a movie for you…
No comments:
Post a Comment