Showing posts with label nightmare worlds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightmare worlds. Show all posts

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Unilateral disarmament: the pros and cons

(A cheap and obvious pun, but it had to be made.)

In a slight departure from strict chronology, The Umbrellahead Review once again turns its attention to films found on some versions of Mill Creek's box sets, but not others. In this case, we're looking at the Nightmare Worlds release -- specifically the version included as part of our 250-pack box set -- which omits two movies we had to seek out from other sources.

One of these films was cut before we got our box set; one seems to have been added afterward. One was removed in favor of The Disappearance of Flight 412, that shaggy-dog story of a TV movie; the other replaced The Return of Dr. Mabuse, that unmemorable slice of early-1960s German murk.

Both films are superior to their respective swapmates -- if that's not a word, it should be -- and one of them is about to get the first grade of its kind on The Umbrellahead Review.



    The War Game (1965)

    Grade: A


    The simplest way to describe The War Game would be "sobering". We downloaded our copy -- split, it seems, into two individually-digitized reels -- from Archive.org. Normally when we watch movies we don't talk much, but we might chat or complain a little.

    But by the time we got halfway through the first reel of The War Game, not a peep was to be heard hereabouts.


    Produced, written, and directed by Peter Watkins, The War Game was filmed in preparation for a 1965 showing on the BBC, but after seeing its depiction of the effects of nuclear war on Britain, the bigwigs at the Beeb deemed it too traumatizing for broadcast. Subsequently it was shown at film festivals, ultimately winning the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature in 1967.


    But The War Game didn't reach British television until 1985, airing just before the 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing in 1945 -- and nearly a year after the premiere of Threads, which did indeed traumatize millions of British people, adults and children alike.

    Along with 1983's Testament and The Day After -- both of which did their parts to traumatize American families -- Threads is the most obvious point of comparison for The War Game. All these films were made for TV, and all of them offer a relentlessly downbeat vision of life after atomic war.


    One crucial difference is that The War Game is not narrative fiction, but a documentary of sorts. It makes little attempt to tell the stories of specific people, but instead assembles a collage of scripted and unscripted interviews, recitations of quotes by prominent British public figures (most of them hopelessly fatuous, naive, or jingoistic), and enactments of what one might expect to be "typical" scenes in post-apocalyptic England.

    You know, looters getting shot, injuries without doctors to treat them, utter and total loss of hope, that sort of thing.


    The War Game is far less graphic than Threads, but in some ways is even more effective as a result. Watkins does a masterful job of weaving together individual heartbreak with collective destruction, not by creating characters for us to follow, but through the synecdoche of letting each person's words, facial expressions, and movements inevitably imply the whole.


    If you retain any affection for the inhabitants of Great Britain and their ways -- and, please, don't let's conflate the British people with any misdeeds done in their name or the name of Empire -- then it's profoundly disturbing to see the total breakdown of those ways, sometimes referred to as "society". (You know, that thing Maggie said didn't exist.) 


    We know that The Day After had a profoundly sobering effect (there's that word again) on Ronald Reagan, who wrote in his diary that it was "very effective and left me greatly depressed...My own reaction was one of our having to do all we can to have a deterrent and to see there is never a nuclear war."

    Guess it takes Hollywood to reach Hollywood -- but The Day After also reached a massive percentage of the American public. The War Game was denied that opportunity, reaching only a handful of cinematic elites until its time had passed.

    Impossible to say now what effect it would have had since -- in this timeline at least -- we miraculously made it through the remainder of the 20th century, and the first two decades of the 21st, without turning ourselves into glass souvenirs for curious aliens.


    Anyone who's seen "The City on the Edge of Forever" knows better than to meddle with the past. So, who knows: had The War Game been shown, maybe it would have inspired a huge British anti-war movement that would, in turn, have inspired a countermovement that led to catastrophe. Push a pendulum, get hit in the face.


    Better then to forfeit one's moment in the sun -- and an Academy Award sure as hell ain't bad -- than to reap "Two Suns in the Sunset". Nonetheless The War Game is more available than ever and, sadly, just as relevant as ever.

    It retains its power to leave an audience in stunned silence -- and if that audience is unlikely to want to watch it again, that would seem to be a measure of its success.




    The Severed Arm (1973)

    Grade: C

    After The War Game, the gore and goofiness of The Severed Arm come as a relief. True, it has ambitions of being something more than a standard-issue slasher/revenge film; in some details, it does elevate itself above that mean.

    But when you come down to it, The Severed Arm is one of those movies whose relationship to the consumer is mainly defined by the one-to-one correspondence between its title and its contents: it does what it says on the can. For those who like freshly amputated upper extremities, it's not going out on a limb (ahem) to say, this is the sort of thing they'll like. It delivers.


    Here's a really weird trope that we see a lot in films and TV: the idea that, in the face of a potentially lethal event -- poison gas, radiation, starvation -- you can precisely calculate the amount of time left. If you're able to finish a task or find salvation when you're below that number, you're golden; if not, you're inevitably dead meat.


    Now, sometimes this kind of exactitude makes narrative sense, like in a scuba diving movie. But if you're wondering how and why an amputatable gets amputated in The Severed Arm, the main reason is that six bros get together, something goes terribly wrong...


    ...and before long, "Some of us...maybe all of us...can't make it through tomorrow" if they don't get to sawin'. (Chop chop.)


    One might quote Dave Chappelle's sage observation -- "You were in on the heist, you just didn't like your cut" -- but, naturally, that holds little sway with the hack-ee. So when the other five bros begin losing limbs left and right...


    ...well, really more like left or right...


    ...the question doesn't really seem like "Whodunit?" so much as "Whatcha gonna do when they [in the 'third-person singular of unspecified gender' sense] come for you?"

    Hard to say more without spoilers galore, though the presence of Deborah Wiley as Teddy -- daughter to don't-mind-'im-'e's-'armless -- complicates matters beyond the routine.

    Is she a possible love interest with a disarming smile? Just an indignant and/or concerned family member? Something else? Only time will tell.


    One of us recalls reading some pretty negative comments about The Severed Arm that implied it was in the same league as Manos or Eegah. Consequently, as we watched (hi, Ray!), the film defied expectations simply by being of ordinary quality.

    That doesn't mean it was especially well-acted or well-written, mind you -- the script even invokes the old cliché about how the calls are coming from inside your house! -- but it never got worse than passable.


    Of course it helps that, instead of our usual PD fare, we were watching a gorgeous widescreen transfer from Vinegar Syndrome, with intense colors and a beautifully crisp image. Between that, Phillan Bishop's moody analog synth score, and the lavish supply of marvelous 1970s aesthetics, the film is a feast for the senses.


    By the way, some people who own DVDs of The Severed Arm have wondered if it ends prematurely. It's possible that sketchy releases truncate the credits to obfuscate copyright, but Vinegar Syndrome's release makes it very clear that the film's rather abrupt ending is intentional, and the final freeze-frame doesn't change during the credit roll.

    If you see a still shot with two happy people, and one with a blank expression, you've seen the end.

    (But the screenshot below isn't it -- just a chance to show off some cardigans and fancy prints.)



    Sunday, May 2, 2010

    The Umbrellahead Awards: The Nightmare Worlds Division

    We've hit a milestone in our quest to watch every movie in our 250-movie box set from Mill Creek, as we recently finished off the Nightmare Worlds portion (which is also available as a standalone box set of the same name). Thus, we thought we ought to celebrate the occasion, and commemorate some of the wonderful, dire, memorable, and thoroughly forgettable moments we've enjoyed, thanks to our friends at Mill Creek.

    Without further ado, our nominees!



    Actual Best Movie Award:

    Nominees:
    Counterblast
    Frozen Alive
    Idaho Transfer
    Prisoners of the Lost Universe
    Terror at the Red Wolf Inn

    Winner:
    Terror at the Red Wolf Inn

    Commentary:
    There were several worthy candidates in this prestigious category, and were it not for the weak denouement, Idaho Transfer could easily have taken the honors. But of these five films, Terror at the Red Wolf Inn is the only one to maintain its tone, tension, and interest up until the very end. To quote a wise young woman, "All in all, I'd say it's...not bad." Or even, y'know, good.



    Actual Worst Movie Award:

    Nominees:
    The Day the Sky Exploded
    The Doomsday Machine
    The End of the World
    House of the Living Dead
    UFO: Target Earth

    Winner:
    House of the Living Dead

    Commentary:
    Some very, very, VERY stiff competition in this category, but there was something just so uniquely offensive about the sheer laziness of House of the Living Dead. It proved to be a movie utterly without redeeming qualities, save perhaps for some nice location shooting in South Africa, and that just ain't enough. Our runner-up award would probably go to The End of the World, whose murky joylessness can scarcely be exaggerated.



    So-Bad-It's-Good Award:

    Nominees:
    Alien Species
    The Nightmare Never Ends
    Panic
    Star Odyssey
    Warriors of the Wasteland

    Winner:
    The Nightmare Never Ends

    Commentary:
    Casual connoisseurs of bad cinema, or those with picky friends, might fare better with Alien Species or Warriors of the Wasteland. But for sheer unintentional laughs, you can't beat the one-two punch of Faith Clift's bad acting and Richard Moll's toupee. Appalling, astonishing stuff.



    Ye Olde Filmes:

    Nominees:
    The Lost World
    Maciste in Hell
    The Mistress of Atlantis

    Winner:
    Maciste in Hell

    Commentary:
    Frolicking demons with pitchforks and sulfur
    Sultry young succubi grooms would annul for
    Overweight heroes fight devils with wings
    These are a few of my favorite things.



    Most Watchable Serial Edited Down To Feature Length:

    Nominees:
    The Lost City
    The Phantom Creeps
    Purple Death from Outer Space
    Radio Ranch
    Shadow of Chinatown

    Winner:
    Radio Ranch

    Commentary:
    Hard not to root for The Lost City here, but its sheer length (very little has been removed) and thoroughgoing racism take it out of the running. Radio Ranch is great fun, suitable for all ages and ethnicities, and doesn't seem to lose much at all in the editing process.



    The Third-Act Letdown Award:

    Nominees:All the Kind Strangers
    The Disappearance of Flight 412
    The Manster
    Piranha, Piranha
    The Return of Dr. Mabuse

    Winner:
    The Manster

    Commentary:
    Unlike our other candidates, The Manster genuinely impressed us in the first two-thirds of the movie, particularly Peter Dyneley's performance as Drunky Washupovich. Its mediocre finale may not be the worst of all these nominees, but it certainly constitutes the biggest disappointment.



    Special Awards For Special Campers:

    Watch It With Grandma Award:
    It's hardly a horror movie, but Robot Pilot supplies old-timey laughs for the false-teeth set. Heck, even if Grandma's a midget, I think it'll still fly.

    Watch It With Your Born-Again Sister's Kids Award:
    Afraid the wee ones will be corrupted by the panty shots in Idaho Transfer? Then dish up some gee-whiz fun for your homeschooled nieces and nephews with Menace From Outer Space. Watch them thrill to the spacefaring adventures of Rocky Jones! Keep them blissfully unaware of the tawdry fates of several castmembers!

    The Poochie Died On The Way Back To His Home Planet Award:
    So what the hell happened to that second segment in House of the Dead, anyway?

    The Casual Cruelty To Fat People Award:
    Need some motivation to stay on that diet? Give Ring of Terror a spin, and feel the shame come pouring in.

    The Casual Cruelty To Animals Award:
    Somewhere in Purgatory, a bevy of indignant chickens await the makers of This Is Not A Test. They're sharpening their beaks even now.

    The Cinematic Blueballs Award:
    I don't think it took us that long to figure out that Good Against Evil was a failed TV pilot, but we at least hoped for some sort of resolution. No dice.

    The WTF-Is-Going-On Award:
    We owe it to Paul Naschy to watch another one of his films. He's an acclaimed horror star, but an incomprehensible disaster like Fury of the Wolf Man can hardly do him justice.

    The Paul Bentzen Fan Club 2-For-1 Special:
    Think what you want of The Alpha Incident and They. But love 'em or hate 'em, whenever he's onscreen, Paul Bentzen is the force that through the Spring Green fuse drives. We look forward to watching the rest of his oeuvre.

    The Overrated Soundtrack Award:
    Many have raved about Goblin's score to Contamination aka Alien Contamination; it didn't rub us the wrong way, but neither were we impressed. I guess we just don't get it, if there's an "it" to get.

    The Not All Nudity Is Sexy Award:
    In the number and explicitness of its sex scenes, Werewolf Woman exceeds the competition by a wide margin...but the movie is permeated with a creepy, dead-eyed mania that eradicates any potential for eroticism. Even the horniest, most desperate teenage boy would find it hard to be titillated by this one.

    The Hear That Plot Twist A-Comin' (Because We Sure Can't See It) Award:
    Oh, How Awful About Allan, you gave up your secret too easily. Or maybe we reached for it too soon. Either way, you were eventually exposed to the light, but we were ten steps ahead of you, caught in the crossfire of yawning and boredom. Speaking of which:

    The Wore Out Your Welcome Award:
    We genuinely enjoyed the first Starman movie we watched, Atomic Rulers of the World. By the third, Evil Brain from Outer Space, we just wanted him and his big package to get lost. (In fairness, Ken Utsui felt much the same.)

    The Plutonium Ruby Laser Research Scholarship Award:
    Nice to see some familiar faces from Zontar in Night Fright.

    The "We Should've Just Watched The Nightmare Never Ends Again" Award:
    Once you've seen a movie featuring the reincarnation of Satan himself, Eternal Evil's tamer premise just can't pack the same punch.

    The Murky On-Screen And In Our Memories Too Award:
    We don't really remember Beast Of The Yellow Night, except as a miasma of foggy shots, cryptic plot elements, and Tagalog. Maybe that's for the best?

    The "Prom Night Dumpster Baby" Neglected Film Award:
    K. saw Embryo before we started this project, and so we skipped it. Its fanny needs a blanket, and somebody to spank it. (EDIT: And now it's got one!)

    AWOL Award (tie):
    On the Nightmare Worlds portion of our 250-movie box set, Death Warmed Up was replaced by Fire Monster Vs. The Son Of Hercules, and Unknown World by The Cold Room. (Fortunately, both of those movies show up elsewhere in the box.)